Small Town Humour

Ok picture this...2 dudes hailing from the nethermost regions of eastern UP (gorakhpur, deoria or thereabouts) standing in front of the Hyundai stall at the Auto Expo in Delhi. I dont remember the year. Probably 2001 or 2002 but definitely either of these.

Both chappies wearing elephant bottomed "jean pant", floral shirt and shoes the size of Mt godwin austin. Hyundai had put up a sexy looking double seater open top on a revolving platform. All bright yellow with a mini skirted model in tow, twas looking quite something. The two chaps had been staring at the vehicle for about 5 minutes, giving the car the sort of a stare hitherto reserved for Pushpa, Susma or Kusum back home. Of course one would have thought that the car for them was just a side issue and the object of the stare was the rather pretty looking babe sitting on the bonnet making ingratiatingly cute faces. But I was wrong and how. One of the chaps suddenly came out of his reverie and spake thusly in the vernacular

"Guru, gaadi to gajab banayi hai lekin saala baarish mein phail hai"

No other one liner has given me more joy than the above piece of astute observation. And one could see that the chap was not making a joke. His face reeked of smug satisfaction at having made a very telling point, and the way his partner said "sahi keh rahe ho guru"drove home the point. I think one of the Hyundai bosses heard the comment too because they never launched the car in India.

Small town UP/Bihar is home to some of the most outrageously confident individuals who have an opinion on any dashed subject beneath the sun and probably beyond. Especially the sort mentioned above. And most of the stuff these guys dole out are gems of comic repartee, in fact I would go so far as to say classics of literature. Only no one gets to hear about them. I feel it is my duty to introduce a few of these into the blogsphere. Here are a few samples. And for matters of simplicity we shall assume that the main protagonists in these conversations are called Mrityunjay and Surender.

M - Abey saala dekhe kal kya tum, gajab raaket choda India ne TV par PSLV wala..

S - abey koi badi baat nahin hai...saala do din mein kitaab padh ke hum bhi ek aada chhod sakte hain

M - abey tum hamesha saala train mein WT karte ho (WT - Without ticket)

S - guru, WT ke teen phayede hain..

M - kaun se fayede bey?

S - agar aap WT hain to aana phree, jaana phree aur pakde gaye to khana phree ......

M - guru woh lallan aaj kal hamari colony ki laundiya ko taad raha hai bahut..usko samjha do warna saale ko bistar sahit uthwa lenge...

S - nahin hum trailer de diye hain usko...agar phir harkat patkega to poora 75mm ki picchar dikha denge saale ko...
M - suren suno, aaj ek laundey ko maarne jaana hai shaam ko...5 baje aayenge hum...jeep ka jugad kar liya hai..

S - abey suno, yeh sab kaam saala hum karke chhod chuke hain...aaj kal hum badmasi thoda down kiye hue hain..

M - chalo na yaar..bas samjhana hai aur ek aada kantaap jad dena....hum bole aaye hain ki shaam ko marenge...agar gaye nain to kal school mein bejatti ho jayegi....

and they are eveywhere...lucknow, kanpur, basti, gonda, deoria, eta, etawah, mainpuri, allahbad....all hotbeds of raw humour spoken with complete seriousness....I wish this genre had more takers....

But my favorite vernacular catch phrase painted onto the back of a truck emanates not from UP but cosmopolitan bangalore, on the back of a tamil nadu monster which read - "Wait Machi"