**DANGER** is a dude!

Who knew? And a moustache too.

Is Bikini mein Jaan Hai and Other Assorted Rants!

JK Cements must surely get the Golden Lion or the Mauve Monkey or whatever accolades they hand out at the Cannes Ad awards this year. The whole babe in Bikini thing reminds me of an old joke back when I was in Lucknow, featuring the line -

Kuku Naadey wale kacchey. Aapki izzat ka buri tarah se rakhwala.

I know its a bizarre line but the gist of it all was that the underwear featured a 'naada' called 'Kuku' for which no force was too strong. It would just not tear. Is JK cement a metaphor for Kuku Naada? If yes then it has to be the most awesomest wicked ad ever.

Also, on the WTF continuum, is NEO sports for real? Terry Pratchett laid down the definition of the shortest unit of time as the New York second which is essentially the time between the signal turning green and the chap behind you honking. Well, compared to the time between an over ending and NEO switching to the ad feed, the New York second is like a frickin' epoch of a million years. I am sure the person who mans the transition lever is tied to some sort of an electric torture device which penalizes him based on time taken to make the switch. Nothing else can explain the lightning reflex.

On Ordinariness

Virender Sehwag's comments on Bangladesh's lack of ability at Test Cricket has, predictably, led to a lot of wailing and gnashing of the teeth. People have accused Sehwag's attitude to be bordering on arrogance and utterly lacking in political correctness, but then, that's the way Sehwag is. He has never refered to a spade as a digging device and probably does not know how to do it.

It is also hard to spot the flaw in Sehwag's argument. Bangladesh most definitely are not an extraordinary side. And their record, since being allowed to play test cricket is ordinary at best. Bangladesh are a guerrilla side. Successful with the odd ambush against giant teams but not having the artillery for a direct confrontation. Runs against Bangladesh and Zimbabwe are still considered cheap amongst the international cricket cognoscenti. And its actually refreshing to see someone like Sehwag calling them out for what they really are.

This will obviously anger them. But it should push them to work harder, not start complaining about lack of respect. Respect has to be earned on the field.

Dil To Bachcha Hai Ji - A Gush

kis.ko pataa tha, pehlu mein rak.kha
dil aisa paa.ji bhi hoga
Hum to hamesha samajhte the koi
Hum jaisa haa.ji hi hoga
Haan yeh zor karey, kitna shor karey
Bewaja baatOn pe ain.wey gaur karey
Dilsa koiii... kameenaa nahin

Now that's what I am talking about. When Vishal Bharadwaj and Gulzar combine, they have a propensity for producing nuggets that are almost Wodehousian in their choice of words and metaphor. In this case the two have outdone themselves. The masterstroke in the above para is, of course, the use of "ain.wey" instead of the more pedestrian "yoon.hi".

Have been listening to the track non-stop for a full day now and the smile on my lips refuses to go away.

Great Song, Great Song.

Steig Larsson's Millennium

Spent the better part of the entire previous week devouring Steig Larsson's excellent Millennium trilogy. And at the end of it all there is a sense of contentment, of a finality and a feeling that all is right with the world, or Sweden at the very least.

The series is a staggering acheivement on several counts,which is all the more surprising because it breaks quite a few rules of genre crime fiction writing at several places. Larsson shows a tendency to employ digressions at key moments, which drag you away from the plot to explain, say, the backstory of a lesser character or completely unrelated trivia. It is also written in an extremely matter of fact style with very little embellishment (it could be because of the fact that the work is translated from Swedish). But these elements work perfectly in Millennium helping create a keen sense of anticipation in the reader at key moments only to suddenly whisk them away to a more mundane place leaving them gasping for breath.

What places Millennium a few notches above your standard issue crime thriller is the quality of its lead characters. Lisbeth Salander, it fiercely independent female protagonist, is an exasperatingly difficult person to deal with - she is more intelligent than everyone else around her, anti-social, a victim of horrific atrocities with a temparament that is liable to explode at the slightest hint of provocation. Mikael Blomkvist, is in many ways the exact opposite. He is a reluctant celebrity, a pathbreaking journalist with almost infinite patience and quite the ladies man. The promiscuity in general displayed by the characters, apart from the horrifying tales of misogyny, would be quite a shocker for the lay Indian reader. Not that India is in any way devoid of crimes against women, but the general impression of life in Scandinavian countries in our minds would probably be best described by high per-capita incomes, midnight suns and a sanitised lifestyle almost bordering on the boring.

Not since I read Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell has a large work of fiction so consumed me (I tend to think of any book that goes beyond 500 pages as a large work of fiction.) I read the books in about five sittings with a strange nervous energy egging me on. Such was the lure of Lisbeth Salander and friends. My favorite book remains the first installment of the series- The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, for its leisurely depiction of the Scandinavian landscape, the weather and the lifestyle in addition to being a genuinely scary and disturbing crime investigation.

Highly recommended.

PS - Hat Tip to Jabberwock for the strong recommendation in his review. I would have steered clear of these books otherwise, especially given the corny titles.